Mike tells of his experiences as a priest and husband in Japan. Every mistake is met with warnings and reminders of what "should" be done. He feels like he's being treated like a child, and when he asks his wife if a Japanese man would be treated this way, she says no! Are foreigners treated like children in Japan? If so, can we do anything about it?
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Ugh. I would have been pretty despondent if my wife had said something like that to me. I don't feel as though that is how every Japanese person feels towards Westerns, but more likely a result of his wife's upbringing and her parent's opinions on foreigners. The fact that she would admit her prejudice like that is astounding given the fact that she is going to marry this man.
My girlfriend has told me a few things that are important to her and her family (and in her mind all Japanese) and chief among them was "don't break promises". Where I come we take promises lightly, so I adapted my behavior (which I didn't feel was unreasonable) to that way of thinking. This gentleman's situation however seems like it is terminal, because even if he makes a simple mistake it will be blamed on him being a foreigner. There is no way to adapt your behavior when someone expects you to be untrustworthy because of who you are or where you come from.
My wife has said a few things in a similar fashion, but I've always chalked up the verbal berration as a difference in communication. Usually when my wife is talking to me like a child, it's much more direct than this.
Kowai yo~
I think the one acting like a child is his wife. Her closed-mindedness about such a thing makes her a less-than-ideal world citizen.
Her ignorance gives away her childlike mentality.
Agreed. That sort of attitude is terribly depressing.
Terribly stupid too.
I have made mistakes in this country and most times, the people around were thinking "mmmmm shouganai Gaijin" (Shouganai = can't be helped)
Sometimes it is true that because I'm a gaijin, I simply do not know how to do things but, and there is always a but, there has been many a time that I made the mistake simply because I'm human and being a gaijin had absolutely nothing to do with it!
My father-in-law can't get this through his head and constantly brings up gaijin this and gaijin that all the bloody time. Geez recently I tied up our dog to the fence and she started eating the weeds through the fence from the garden next door.
Sure enough, my daddy-in-law went on about how Japanese would be more considerate and not let their dogs eat the neighbors weeds. (Weeds are very very important in Japan)
I to be honest did explode and it was the first time in ten years that I have done such a thing to my daddy-in-law and then proceeded to tell him that "I'm a bloody human first, your son-in-law second and then yes, a gaijin"
Aaah i have to face facts in regards to my father-in-law at least that a 5 year old has more maturity than a gaijin does!! (Actually my wife may think that about me but that is a whole other story haa haa haa!)
PS.
Does anyone know a cheap hitman?????
Not to take the racial thing too lightly, because it is a heavy subject, all wives feel the need to state the obvious to their husbands sometimes! However, I wonder if we westerners take such reminders harder than Japanese would - I know they probably get many more reminders than Japanese do (as your wife said) BUT I have been surprised how much my husband's experience working in Japan (for all of a month so far) has resembled being treated like a schoolboy.
My husband has described (not using the school terminology himself): "Homeroom"-like meetings every single morning, strict rules about what you can and cannot have on your desk and what to wear, the "new kid in the school" introductions that have to be given over and over, lots of ceremonies in big halls that sound awfully like speech nights and - and here's the kicker - a BELL (I kid you not) for the start and finish of lunch!
Now, if he were working in a factory and there were shifts and the whole line had to shut down for the shift to go to lunch I'd understand a bell - but we're talking professional office workers in the most prestigious buildings in the city. Can they not be trusted to go when it's the right time and return?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining and saying it shouldn't be that way - that's just Japan - I'm just observing that my experience is that the Japanese never quite leave school or the school structure (though I'm told University is a break from that briefly.) I wonder if, like the goody-goody "dobber" kid at school, our flagrant individuality is something that actually reminds them how controlled they are/have to be at all times and it makes them a little bit angry or maybe even a little bit sad so they desperately try to avoid having to witness it or at least get us back for it by constantly reminding us that we are wrong.
Personally I handle it by just being so nervous about not doing the wrong thing I am pretty much paralysed and characterless in a majority Japanese social situation so I can't do anything wrong (except the minor rudenesses of not being flutteringly charming and obsequious)! I'm sure I won't be able to keep that up for long though.
Well, I have experience this kind of behavior in Tokyo before. It usually happens when I am asking for directions in Shibuya on a weekend or ordering food at restaurant or sometimes at a coffee shop. I try to understand that this is there nation and they do have a right to treat me in any manner they choose. Although, it still fucks with my head a little.
Yeah, I get stuff like this all the time. In fact, I think a lot of the treatment from people in general is like adults to children.
"Ohhh, you said arigatou, good boy!" or "Oh, you can use chopsticks after only 5 years of living in Japan, you're AMAZING!"
It's pretty demeaning.
Part of it, I think, is an inherent belief that Japan is truly unique and special (Nihonjinron), and no one else can be like Japan ("What? You have toothpicks in America? Wow!" or "Japan has four seasons. How many seasons does America have?") and part of it is this image that Japanese people have about being gaijin being relaxed. It translates into irresponsible, most of the time.
Recently, there was a problem with someone in my apartment building having a dog. Dogs aren't allowed, and this mutt kept barking and barking. Of course, there were complaints, and my wife kept muttering about how anyone could be so selfish and childish as to break the rules like that. She talked to another neighbor about it, and the neighbor said the woman with the dog "looked Filipina" and of course, that explained it to everyone. The silly foreigner just didn't understand the rules.
Of course, the fact that a clearly Japanese man also lived in that apartment was forgotten. And, of course, another Japanese on the 6th floor with a dog got no comment, because his dog was quiet.
But foreigners just don't understand the rules.
I think at first, its cool that people are so willing to give you compliments. Its only later that you start taking those compliments like "Well, what the hell doe THAT mean?!"
For the most part they mean well. I really believe that. As far as being insular goes, I think that there are people like that everywhere. I understand what you are saying though.